Applying Emotional Intelligence in Relationships

Hello ladies,

I pray you are enjoying your week and are planning on finishing it strong. I love empowering women and helping them learn how to master their emotions with emotional intelligence. Nevertheless, it’s not just about how you master your own emotions, you must also learn how to nurture your relationships and set healthy boundaries with emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is your superpower!

It fuels our capacity to understand, use, and master our emotions in positive ways. It allows us to communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges, and defuse conflicts. On the flip side, emotional immaturity is a weakness. It’s characterized by an inability to deal with emotional issues appropriately. And this can be particularly evident and challenging in family relationships. Here are a few areas that will help to put this concept into perspective.

What emotional immaturity looks like

Emotionally immature people may lack emotional sensitivity, behave in a selfish manner, and may cause you to question your own truth. Emotional immaturity is a person's inability to express or cope with emotions that are serious in nature. In other words, they may laugh or not take things you say seriously. People who are emotionally immature may also overreact to situations or have trouble controlling their emotions. You may find trying to have an important conversation with them difficult maybe even impossible. Therefore, it is important to acknowledge and recognize these signs so you can deal with them accordingly.

The importance of emotional maturity in relationships

Emotionally mature individuals do not blame their partner or others for any anger or anxiety they feel. Because being emotionally mature involves emotional control and reasoning, it affects people’s ability to successfully make joint decisions, work together toward relationship goals, and resolve conflicts effectively. Being emotionally mature brings more peace and contentment into your relationships and that provides a space for more love, unity, and stronger long-lasting relationships.

How to set healthy boundaries in emotionally immature relationships

Identify your boundaries: It is important to know what your boundaries are. Set them and keep them set. Make it crystal clear to yourself what you will allow and disallow regarding how you want to be treated in all relationships. Absolutely do not change how you wish to be treated just because your circle of friends or your relationships change. Be your true authentic self.

Communicate clearly: Once you have identified your boundaries, communicate them clearly to the difficult person. Don’t waste your time using a lot of words. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Use "I" statements, such as "I feel uncomfortable when you speak to me in that way," and be specific about what you need from them. For example, “I need you to lower your tone when you speak to me.”

Be consistent: Setting boundaries is not something you do just once. It requires consistent reinforcement. If in any relationship, whether family, friend or a romantic relationship, violates your boundaries, do not let it slide without addressing it. Calmly but firmly remind them of your boundaries and the consequences of crossing them. Understand you are going to be tested by emotionally immature people and they may even use guilt or manipulation to make you soften or even abandon your boundary. But stand firm and remember your “why”. Always remind yourself why this boundary is necessary; so, you don’t have to feel bad about it.

Practice self-care: Dealing with difficult people can be emotionally draining. Always remember to take care of yourself. Know when it's time to disengage. Use non-verbal cues such as maintaining distance, do not respond to their messages, (by phone call or text) after you've already expressed your boundary or spoken your truth. You may also consider declining an invitation to an event (lunch, dinner, shopping, or hanging out) when no attempt has been made to repair the relationship (emotionally immature and manipulative people will pretend nothing happened to avoid taking responsibility for their actions).

Seek support: It's important to have a support system when dealing with difficult people. Reach out to a trusted friend, family, or therapist for help in setting and maintaining healthy boundaries. Never forget to make yourself a priority and stay healthy physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually because there is only one of you and you do matter.

Love and Blessings,

Dr. Doris

Call to Action: Practice these emotional intelligence tools to help improve your relationships. Make sure you visit the video library to gain inspiration and encouragement.