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"Change is painful, but nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong." Mandy Hale
Hello ladies,
I wrote this blog several years ago, but I felt it was necessary to be reminded of this concept again. Many times, what keeps us stuck in life is the fear of the unknown, especially when we desire to make a change in our lives. Have you ever heard of the 21/90-day rule? Back in the 1960’s a cosmetic surgeon named Dr. Maxwell Maltz wrote a self-help book called Psycho Cybernetics, A New Way to Get More Living Out of Life. In his book, he suggested that it takes a mere 21 days of practice to break an old habit and create a new one. Many scientists have studied, researched, and changed the concept by saying it takes 30, 66, or even 90 days to make and maintain behaviors, habits, and beliefs.
Here’s my encouragement to you regarding this idea. Change takes time. But, to accomplish real change you must be consistent and work at it every day. All of us would like to change something about ourselves or reach a goal we've dreamed about. However, no one knows what you are capable of accomplishing, but you. Don’t compare yourself to others or feel as if you have to do things exactly like everyone else. Everything is not for everyone. Don't beat yourself up if you fail to succeed at something exactly as someone else. Be kind to yourself. Here are a few steps to help you get started. Remember, don’t stress over it. Relax, enjoy making the changes, and make it a part of your daily life.
Step 1: Begin with a positive mindset and attitude: Start making changes to your life with a positive mindset, believing that this is something good for you and you are worth it. See yourself accomplishing your goal. Understand this, when you start to change, you start attracting people in your life who embrace and celebrate positive change, and then everything around you starts to change. (I know this from personal experience). Not only do you need to change your mindset, but change what comes out of your mouth. Don't talk with a defeated attitude, as if you can never change. Don't put labels on yourself by saying "I am always late, that's just the way I am" or "I can't do that", without even making the attempt. Speak life to yourself and give yourself permission to make changes in your life. You may be surprised at how good you are at it. Remember it's your life and you do not need anyone else's permission to improve upon your life and make yourself happy.
Step 2: Identify what you want to change and make YOUR own plan: You don’t have to do what others do and you don’t have to set a time limit on it. Such as “I’m going to lose 30 pounds in 30 days". When you do that and miss the mark, you feel like a failure and that’s not who you are. Take your time and incorporate the changes you want to make into your day a little at a time. Don't worry if it seems to take a while, if you keep going, you will get there! Real and long-lasting change takes time.
Step 3: Stay positive: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” If you keep speaking positive things about yourself and the changes you are making on this new journey, it will keep you motivated. Our words are powerful. Even if you don’t do as much as you wanted to do that day, celebrate yourself anyway for doing what you were able to do.
Step 4: Be Consistent: A little goes a long way. If you are consistent in doing a little each day, you will get where you want to be. I have a new mantra that I say to myself every day, "be committed, be focused, and be consistent. I call it my CFC model. I say it to myself every morning while looking in the mirror before I start my day. This helps me to stay encouraged in what I want to accomplish that day. Perhaps you can create a mantra of your own to help keep you on track with the changes you want to make in your life.
Step 5: Never speak badly about yourself: I tell my clients often shame, blame, and guilt help no one. Belittling yourself with a derogatory attitude will only make you feel bad about yourself and cause you to stop working on making the changes in your life you want to accomplish. If you make a mistake own it, learn from it, and move on. But absolutely do not dwell on it, repeat it to everyone, or beat yourself up about it. You are not stupid, you are not a fool, and you are not an idiot, you are human and you are learning. You grow from every setback, mistake, and mess-up. We learn from our mistakes, not our successes. Give yourself some grace and room to grow. Continue to love yourself even when you make a mistake or miss the mark. It is not the end of the world. Keep a positive attitude. See yourself as valuable, beautiful, and worthy because God says you are and that’s all that matters!
Love and Blessings,
Dr. Doris
Call to Action: Today try to come up with your own mantra that you can say to yourself daily, to help keep you motivated to make the changes you want to make in your life. You are beautiful and you are worth it!
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