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11 Signs That Show a Deficiency in Emotional Intelligence(Part One)

Good morning, ladies. I pray you are having an enjoyable week thus far. I want to ask you a question. Have you ever wondered why you allow people to take advantage of you, you hold on to grudges, or you can’t let go of a mistake you made? If so, don’t feel bad, at one time or another we’ve all had these experiences. But you probably have never figured out why you are this way. You just dismiss it as if that’s just the way you are. However, there have been decades of research that show how emotional intelligence plays a very important role in helping recognize how these behaviors can hinder your personal and working relationships. Emotional intelligence is something intangible that resides in each of you. We are going to explore eleven behaviors that hinder the growth of your emotional intelligence. This blog will be in two parts.

1. You are easily stressed

When you hide your feelings, they can easily grow into uncomfortable sensations of tension, stress, and anxiety. Ignoring your emotions can put a strain on your mind and body. Using your emotional intelligence skills helps you to manage your stress by recognizing and dealing with tough situations before things escalate.

2. You have a difficult time standing up for yourself

Emotional intelligent people understand how to balance good manners, empathy, and kindness with the ability to stand up for themselves and set healthy boundaries. These amazing traits are beneficial for handling conflict. When most people are angry, they usually fall back on passive or aggressive behavior. Emotionally intelligent people remain balanced and self-assured by not allowing themselves to react with unfiltered emotions. This helps them to calm difficult and toxic people without creating enemies.

3. You have a difficult time verbalizing your emotions.

Everyone has emotions, however, not everyone can accurately identify them as they occur. Research shows that only 36% of people can do this, which is a problem because unidentified emotions often go misunderstood. That can often lead to irrational choices and counterproductive actions. People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they can identify the feelings that accompany them.

4. You assume things quickly without gathering all of the facts and believe you are absolutely right.

People who form an opinion quickly without knowing all of the facts can easily succumb to confirmation bias, meaning they gather evidence that supports their opinion and ignore any evidence that goes against their belief. Emotionally intelligent people think through things carefully because they know there could be a chance they are mistaken.

5. You hold grudges

People who hold on to a grudge are exhibiting an emotion that is actually a stress response. When a person is experiencing a dangerous stressful event it sends your body into fight-or-flight mode. This is an internal survival system that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. When a threat is imminent, this reaction is paramount to your survival, but when a threat is a part of your past, holding on to that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding on to stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding on to a grudge means you’re holding on to stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Letting go of a grudge can improve your overall health and make you feel a lot better in your life now.

6. You hold on to your mistakes

Making mistakes is a part of the growing and learning process in life. If you don’t make mistakes, you don’t know where you need to improve and change. Also, making mistakes pushes you to try something again but perhaps using a different technique, method, or approach. Emotionally intelligent people understand you have to balance between remembering your mistakes so you can improve upon them and learn not to beat yourself up when you make a mistake because it’s all part of the learning process in life. Remember being mindful of these behaviors and working on yourself to change them is all a part of the process to help you become the best and highest version of yourself.

Love and Blessings,

Dr. Doris


I am Dr. Doris, a Licensed Clinical Christian Counselor, Ordained Minister, and Women's Emotional Intelligence Master Life Coach. I want to personally welcome you to take a peak inside my world of encouragement and positive engagement.  In this space I empower

women to be all God has created them to be. 


I'm so glad you're here! 

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